The three year post

Finally really writing this. The three year blog post. In November 2008, my world began to really fall apart. I was learning to salsa dance and loving every second of it. I was eating healthy. I was meeting new people and loving Toronto.

Then I caught what I thought was a cold. In hindsight, this was no regular virus. I’ll never know what that virus/bacteria was. But it overwhelmed and tricked my poor defenses. By mid November I got massive foot cramps. December I lost my feet and my legs in places. Incomplete paralysis but still enough that I couldn’t do much. January was horrible. February the nerve pain showed up in my feet. Been on Gabapentin and now Lyrica ever since.

Finally got into a good physiotherapy program in Spring 2009. Starting walking more with a cane. January 2010 I returned to work. July 2010, left work. My body wasn’t ready. 2011 involved some part-time jobs not in my field. Feb 2011 I applied to grad school and got accepted.

Been at University of Calgary since Sept and it’s just the change I needed. I don’t think I’ll ever move back to Ontario. I need to eventually end up where there is no snow. I deserve some sun and happiness.

2012 is going to be the year of no bullshit. I’ve encountered some dumbasses out here so I’ll cut ‘em loose. My happiness trumps all things.

Even though I’ve accomplished a lot, there is still sadness and anger that surface. I usually nip it but right now I’m letting it linger for a bit. Sometimes you have to let the emotions linger then just deal with it and move on.

Some days I wake up and I’m sick and tired of taking meds. I’m sick and tired of religious people telling me I’ll be healed. (I’m a totally not religious. Just have to put up with it.) I just want to live the life that I sometimes feel has been taken from me. I don’t really listen to other people’s petty problems anymore. Maybe that’s mean but I just can’t take it.

My only goals are to meet new friends, finish grad school and move to the west coast. And be healthy while doing this.

Okay, I don’t know where this blog post is going anymore.

I guess for those TMer’s that read this, know that you and your opinion are the most important things in this world. Don’t let anyone bring you down. Always push yourself for only yourself. Do what you love even if it means picking up and moving. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do x, y and z because your sick or disabled. It’s your destiny not theirs.

These words are great and all but totally meaningless if you don’t act. I used to think to too much. (Okay I still do!) But I decided that I was going to leave Ontario and I did. If people want to worry themselves about me and my health, I let them. Why they’re stressing, I’m out exploring.

I guess this three year post is a reminder to myself. If I could survive year 1, hopefully I’ll just keep surviving. 1 hour at a time…

My next goal is to post a video about my TM story as inspiration.

Unmotivated

FYI – this is a me bitching and ranting about stuff. Might be best to ignore this blog post.

Unmotivated is a word that has been swirling through my mind a lot lately. I am unmotivated to do my assignments. I’m too lazy to do anything. I kind of don’t really care about school lately.

Re-reading what I wrote, I sound so damn depressed. I keep thinking about just getting a job and working. I enjoy making money more than I enjoy spending it.

This is really just going to be a quick rant.

I guess the subject matter of the assignments in school are bugging me. I haven’t thought critically in ages. I’m tired of thinking. I’m only a month and a half into grad school and I’m just feeling a little annoyed. Annoyed at myself for trying and annoyed at the course subject matter. This blog post is the most thoughtful writing I’ve done in a while.

Okay I’m gonna stop with this post and work on my thesis again.

I finally have a “working” title:

Climate Sensitive Pedestrian Environments: Designing Accessible Winter Streetscapes

I just wish I knew where I was going with this…

 

Lyrica – Round 2

I want to write about my second experience with Lyrica. I’ve been taking Lyrica for a little over a week now. I tried it before but didn’t have the medical coverage to continue it. I decided that I would try it again now that I’m covered.

Well……Tomorrow will be my last day on this medication. At first my body was cool with it. But yesterday my body told me that I would need to be done with this drug.

I recommend that people do a little bit of research about this drug. It’s a good medication and has worked wonders for a lot of people. Unfortunately, I had the craziest heart palpitations yesterday. I thought my heart was jumping out of my chest. I was definitely having a panic moment. But I only have myself to blame for that. I think I accidentally took and extra dose 2hrs after my regular dose.

Duh, Cheryl, follow the damn instructions next time.

But I am definitely going to follow-up with the doctor here on campus to make sure I can stop the Lyrica. I’ll definitely go back to Gabapentin. I’ve been on the same dose of Gabapentin for about 2.5 years. There is always that break through nerve pain but it has worked well.

Okay I’m rambling on and on now.

I’ll write a follow-up post tomorrow or Tuesday.

I’m also going to write about University life and dealing with accessibility and learning with the distraction of TM.

I hope everyone that reads this blog is doing well. Feel free to post comments.

Ttyl

Gravity

I see the night sky illuminated with rain that rises,
The gravity that held me down now lifts me up.
I see the day sky swollen with the nights emotion,
The gravity that held us down now lifts us up.

– Cheryl

Off to Calgary

So I didn’t even do a post about getting into grad school. So this is my official blog post months later.

I GOT INTO GRAD SCHOOL. I’m headed to the University of Calgary in the fall. I’m hoping to do my thesis on Accessible Urban Design in the MEDes program. I should probably be doing more research than I already have but as you can probably tell from my last post, I’m a little distracted by life.

I’m happy to be leaving Ontario. I really REALLY need a change. Kinda like the opening song for Cheers.

“Making your way in the world today takes everything you’ve got.
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot.

Wouldn’t you like to get away?

Sometimes you want to go

Where everybody knows your name,
and they’re always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can see,
our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows
Your name.

You wanna go where people know,
people are all the same,
You wanna go where everybody knows
your name.”

I definitely don’t feel this way in Ontario anymore. TM changed me. It was hard knowing that while everyone stayed the same, I was the one changing. I need to see and meet new faces and see new places. I’m happy to have this opportunity even if everyone thinks I’m crazy.

So to all the TM(ers) out there who are thinking to themselves, ‘No I could never do that, I’m disabled, I’m this or I’m that’, you need to change your scenery. It will be hard but what have you got to lose. I’ve got nothing to lose (expect for tuition money lol). I’m excited. Calgary get ready for the cherbear.